Think you are fully released of control to the Universe?
Have a child.
Parenting is challenging af.
Co- Parenting is challenging af.
You think you get the hang of something and they grow or circumstances change. All. Of. The. Time. So, you are always on your toes.
As I am writing this my daughter is on her way to another state to visit her father’s family. I love that they spend time with her. I love that they love her and include her. But it’s challenging af to my ego and control mindset. I want her here with me all of the time. I want to see that she’s safe and doesn’t need for anything. And her traveling takes that visual communication away. It triggers me. I feel anger and sadness. My depression creeps in. My brain runs wild with “what if” situations. I even have panic attacks.
Does worrying about something that hasn’t happened help me? Or her for that matter.. absolutely not. Am I aware of this manic behavior and thought. 100%. I’m not on autopilot I realize what my mind is doing. Can I change my mindset around this? YES. And I will always give my all to do so because I know what I focus on expands. I want nothing ,but happiness for my little love. Even if that means having to share her with her family and one day the world. She deserves to see it all and experience it all.
This journey is not short by all means. It never comes to an end and this really discourages people. People like timelines. They want reassurance that they are exactly where they need to be and are feeling the same feelings that everyone else has. They also want to know exactly when they will be feeling better. They want to know when the relief will show up. This journey doesn’t give that plan to everyone because we are all so different. We have all experienced different things. We have different beliefs and that’s okay! But the timeline doesn’t exist. The more you work on it yes the faster you will see results. Practice makes progress. But there will always be a challenge someone to learn from.
We choose a physical life to learn, explore, and create. In order to learn there has to be a lessen.
I understand that control is my current lesson. I accept the challenge and will be working on this limiting belief that I have to have all of the control when it comes to my daughter. She get’s to experience her life. She choose me and for that I am eternally grateful. I want her happiness. I want my happiness. I know she is safe and supported just as I am.
But I will be sending her vibrations the whole time she is gone. “Happy, Healthy, Safe.”
What are you working on?